Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
