Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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