um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
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