Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
