I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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