You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
