I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
