I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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