I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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