Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
