My first STD was from a foam party
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
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