Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
