I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
