Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
