Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
