i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
