i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We're too hungover to prance.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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