Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
