Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
