girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
