YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
