thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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