you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
