I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just gift wrapped bread.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
