just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize