And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
