Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
