He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize