just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
