I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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