I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
