i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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