I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
