I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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