....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
