I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
