Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
