connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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