I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
