I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
