So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Randomize
