one might say we're banned from that church
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize