It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
