So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
