I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
