Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
