I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
