considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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