i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
