One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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