Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
