I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
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