WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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