so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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