We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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