no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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