Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize