I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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