I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
