my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
