I never want to see another naked old woman again.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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