so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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