Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
They took my balls.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize