Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
