...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
