If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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