ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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